Renewing the Quit

Well I'm at it again.. yup, I've gone and quit something else!

This time it's pretty unexpected.

I have quit school.

I have had it on my "To Do" list since January in big red letters.

FINISH SCHOOL

Then it occurred to me that I had a Problem. Yes with a capital "P".

For the first time, I wasn't jazzed to be going back to school in September.

I'm getting to the point in the program where I HAVE to do certain things to "graduate". 
Like Art History. Don't get me wrong. I love the masters.
I draw inspiration of Ansel Adams and Vivian Maier and pray to one day be half as talented.
But I wasn't totally thrilled at being told I HAD to study them (and pay $450 to do it) to be a "qualified" photographer.

I was way MORE excited to sign up to volunteer at the UBC farm. And learn why my tomatoes are late this year but my peas went crazy!

"School"was becoming something I complained about the way I USED to complain about my career.


So I asked myself.. "why am I doing this?"

And it was because I felt I HAD to. People expected me to.
"I'm in school" was an easy way of explaining why I left my corporate job.

There was no "Because I WANT to," in there.

I am, by no means, "quitting" on Photography. I love it. And I want to KEEP loving it.

It's kinda like, "If you love something set it free".

So I'm going to set my photography free for the next 4 months. I'm just quitting the thing that was making it a chore, not a joy.

And in the process, I will open up my mind, my soul and my time to finding NEW joys, new passions and new inspirations. All of which, I'm sure, I will happily record on film :)


Now THAT'S what I call Freedom. 

Savary Island Aug 2011 ©louisekelaher2011

"Recyling" the Quit

I'm all about recycling. We have bins for out plastics and paper. We are starting to compost our scraps for the garden. I've never recycled a partner, but I'm sure someone ELSE reused them!

But I just recycled working.
Full time. Actually MORE than full time, 6 days a week. For nearly 2 weeks!

WHAT WAS I THINKING?!

Well, I was thinking .. "It would be nice to have some extra cash." Ah the seductive lure of the mighty dollar.. Suckers you right in every time !

Here is what I learned. The people I used to work with are nice people.. probably nicer than I'd remembered. I should visit them more often. It was nice to feel productive and useful. I liked getting paid.

But the things I have been doing for the last year that filled my time (Photography, Volunteering, Gardening, Working out), I let go completely the last 2 weeks. I was getting grumpy again.
 
So being busy wasn't the problem- WORKING wasn't the problem. The problem was my ability to balance it with the rest of my life. And doing things because I ENJOYED THEM, not because they paid me a wad o cash!

So I MIGHT recycle work a few more times.. but I will ensure I also recycle the "QUIT" to ensure I keep in perspective the "gain" of monetary freedom versus the "loss" of  personal freedom.

Quit like a Nurse Log!

Last week I spent some quality time listening to the sound of waves crashing, and wind whispering through tall trees.

I was in Tofino.

A place so "environmentally friendly" even the new local Brewery (Tofino Brewing Company) recycles its water in production of the stuff they sell only in refillable "growlers" or direct to the local bars so as to minimise their impact on the local environs.

Try the Hopin Cretin I.P.A if ever in town!

(Photo from Tofino Brew Co Site)

The town is full of people, both transient and permanent, who have quit the city life for a chance at peace. A lot of the rentable sleeping space has no TV or phones, and cell phone reception is spotty at best.  The point of coming here to escape your Crackberry, iPhone and the endless tirade of doom and gloom on the news.

Wickininish Beach - Tofino - cell free zone!

 
While I was in amongst the tall trees on Friday I found myself pondering the mighty Nurse Logs. Nurse logs are simply trees that have fallen over, that have sporned new life.

Nurse log (horizontal) in Pacific Rim National Park

The remarkable thing is that some of them are truly massive, having survived from the times of the Knights Templar before they fell over 100 years ago.  So wide your arms don't have a hope of reaching the half way round, so long that when they fell, you know that someone SOMEWHERE indeed heard it.


Basically they up and quit. They grew for 1000 years, they fell in minutes, and now 100 years on they are indispensable in the continuing process of new life.

My point?

Humans come to places like Tofino to get a glimpse of the past still growing in front of them. They come to ponder life, to see a simplicity and circularity of birth, life and death we as humans have forgotten.  They relax when they realize how small they really are and how unimportant "stuff" is.

Tree self mulching-artsy AND useful!

Knowing when to quit is something plants and other animals do not question. To be sure they don't think about it.. they just live their lives. I like to think they know they are part of something larger, but maybe they are just oblivious.
(Lucky them)

Oblivious starfish

For all that, every tree, bird, starfish I saw that was living in its natural state, unabused by us damn humans, seemed pretty darn content with their lot.

Artful (even in death) Crab

 

Watching all these stressed out execs driving their SUV's from tree to sea and back and slowly unraveling made me wonder, is "getting ahead" really getting us western humans anywhere?



I say, quit like a Nurse Log.. lie down, and let goodness - in the way of art, community and compassion - grow out of your brain break, and watch the world (which WILL keep turning after you are gone) grow into a happier place.

So i Cheated..

You might be wondering why I have been silent since Feb 1st.. or not.. whatever.

The reason is as old as life itself, I cheated.

Judge me if you must. I got a job.

I know I know.. the whole point was that I quit working. And I meant it.
I really really thought I would totally be a quitter until at LEAST the fall.

But then I realised I was bored. I had no fixed place to go, or coherent thing to do. Volunteering 2 days a week just wasn't enough. And it REALLY wasn't about the money.

So, when a friend of a friend asked if I'd like to "have a chat" with the guy in charge at a well respected and fun Not for Profit, I thought, "It will be good practice, what have I got to lose?!"

I thought it had gone well, but they were looking for full time, and I knew I wasn't up for that.

So I was floored when, coming all sweaty out of a spin class the next week, they offered me a job.

Part-time. Pay was within the ballpark of what I expect working for Not For Profits.  On 3 days a week (21-24hrs) I figured that  I would actually pay all my bills, and still have time for my other volunteer gigs and school.

I really had nothing to lose.

There have of course, been teething pains. I have worked a little more and volunteered a little less than I would have liked in the last month. I have had to learn how to make new friends, deal with new systems and fit in time with my partner. I haven't cooked as much as I would like.

But I quit the lifestyle that was making me sad and sick. And I have no intention of going back.  I am busier than ever. I am paying my way while actively contributing to community in both my employment and my volunteering.  It's a balancing act, and I'm just a little lopsided right now.

I have no regrets. I don't consider working part-time at a Not For Profit as giving up on my dreams. As evidence I would submit the photos below,  the triathlon I completed in March and smile on my face.

Will I stay there forever?  I doubt it.. but this is a step in my path to finding my dream life.

I'm not sure how I could ask for much more than that.

 

Take a Hike Moonlight Snowshoe February 17th, 2011 

                                                        UBC Triathlon March 6th, 2011

Seattle Trip Hucky's 40th Birthday March 11-13th, 2011

Back to the Future

So I quit, my "career" .. why would I now be back in interviews you may well ask?

"Traitor!" I hear you (all 42 of you) cry, "How could you?!" "We lived through you!"

Well firstly that's not healthy, and secondly, I decided to find a job (part-time people, don't get excited) for a variety of reasons.

1. I miss getting paid.. paying myself is OK, but watching the money flow from savings to chequing is not NEARLY as satisfying as having someone ELSE pay me. When the government SAYS I can retire (which is apparently on 2036?!?) I'm sure I will get equal satisfaction from the $201.56 per month my pension might pay me :)

2. I miss getting up regularly (not TOO regularly) and going to a place that I belong- yes just like Cheers.. only without the beer taps... but if they could put those in, that would be way cool.

3. I really am kinda over people saying to me "you're so lucky" OR giving me stink-eye.. or both at the same time.. I think it might just be the human condition that if you are suffering (IE: working) then so should everyone else under "government authorised retirement age" goddamit!


4. I'm sadly not as lazy as I thought I was! There are also very few N.F.P' s with enough volunteer opportunities that successfully engage my time or imagination! (side note- I HAVE - see previous post - found 2 amazing places to volunteer.. keep at it, they DO exist!)

5. People (and our society) value you by the value you place on yourself. If you only work for free (and are under 55) then people think you are a) independently wealthy b) crazy or c) incapable of GETTING a job. And I have to say, seeing as I'm not a) , I HAVE sometime felt b) and fear c).

6. It is VERY hard to get an interview in this town, even when ably qualified. It is a test of a persons intestinal fortitude to put yourself out there - and everyone needs to test themselves every so often!

So I have decided I will try and find employment once more, but on MY terms.

This whole exercise in quitting my career was built on the premise that I would continue to grow and learn. That not only Hollywood movie stars worked for the "love of the job".
Now I believe I know what I'm looking for.. and that's progress!

The Value of "Free"

In my so far 7 month odyssey of under-employment i have paused to think several times of the value of "free".

It SEEMS like it should be a good thing.. and if the crowds on Granville street, hands blindly grasping at samples of everything from hot sauce to shampoo are any indication, we love FREE, even if we have no use for whatever it IS that is free, we will take it. But the real question is.. do we then VALUE what we received?

The word free also conjures up images of stuff someone has heaped next to the dumpster in the back alley (which is possibly where all those mindlessly procured samples wind up!)

I also wondered, how does volunteering - a "free" activity - fit into this equation of 21st century western society and the endless pursuit of happiness and "freedom" through a booming bank balance!

When we volunteer, we supposedly give up our "free" time. But from my personal experience, time is highly valued, and not to be given up lightly.

Take this week.

Monday i volunteered for Take a Hike. I probably put in a good 8 hour day. I added content to the website and organized pledge information. I loved every minute of it. (And might i add, at Take a Hike i have learned pretty much everything i needed to know about the backend of web-pages, hyper-linking, blogging and page layout to create this blog.)

Today i went to Pony Pals. They are an awesome outfit in Delta who work with kids and adults with life challenges. It was my first day "on the job". I was first tasked with grooming and saddling up 3 muddy ponies. Then the kids arrived. I'm sure the looks on the kids faces as they climbed aboard the ponies never gets old. Today i had 2 students. Both were about 7 years old. Both got more enjoyment from walking and trotting around that ring for 30 minutes than most adults get from winning the Lotto.

Towards the end of the second lesson, the pony i was leading started and spun wildly at a loud crash out the back of the barn (let me add here the horses are the best trained, gentlest "equine therapists" i have ever met, but this crash made every person and animal in hearing distance jump!), with his small charge atop. I thought "oh Christ, he's gonna go flying". Hell, I've seen seasoned pros go flying when horses spin like that! However as i regained control of the pony, I realized i was looking up into the smiling face of his rider.. "wow that was FUN!" he said.. "he went soooo fast! I hung on tight" "you sure did!" i said- breathing once more.. and in that moment, we both learned that the unexpected is sometimes more fun than just going the predictable route.

At BOTH these places i used my "free" time. Yet i was valued in more than dollars. I have new skill sets. I have self respect. I have the confidence that i can still grow and learn at 40. I have also, incidentally, gained 2 new fantastic friends, and met a bunch of awesome people who genuinely want to help others. All for "free" !

Volunteering at these places has also helped breakdown my preconceived notions of who can be effective helping out. One of the difficulties for my steadfastly middle class brain, was that i was afraid of working in areas involving marginalized people, even though this is where my interest, right back to my psych major at University, lay. I thought they might well ask "what the hell would you know about my trouble, how the hell can you possibly help me?".  So i let myself off the hook and waited for some ex "at risk youth" or parent of an autistic child to step up to the plate.

I don't really know the full stories behind the two amazing women who head up these enterprises, and maybe they DO have a connection to the causes they fight for daily. But what both of them have taught me is that if you really care (and caring is free, FYI) you can help anyone who wants to be helped.. because they will see you are genuine.

So if "free" is good, and giving away my time gets me so much more.. why do i get funny looks when i tell people i have quit money-making ventures temporarily for volunteering? Why is that idea so incongruous to so many people? Perhaps because in Western "civilization" we really don't value anything anymore that we haven't paid a high price for.

It seems to me that most great "free" things that matter are, in fact, priceless. Think love, trust, patience and time. Think of giving all of them freely, every day, whether it is volunteering or getting your workmate a cup of tea. The last 7 months has taught me that it will likely make your life 100% happier and healthier than excess money ever could have, and it will have cost you nothing.

So I Quit...

And really, it seemed too easy at the time... (which was 6 months ago now)

But people asked.. "Why on EARTH would you quit a job you don't hate, that pays you well, in a city you love.. with no prospect of a job at the age of 40?"


You see I had what people work to GET. A pretty cushy gig. After 16 years with the same company, I had landed the equivalent of the Lotto 6/49- Desk Job, hours of 830am-5pm, 5 weeks holiday, a team I got along with, and a company that gave us paid conferences and a list of perks a mile long.. oh and did I mention I earned six figures?

Yet I quit.

Why?
It had to be more than that I HATED to ride the escalator at Burrard Skytrain station feeling like part of a herd of cattle being shunted through the branding shoot.

So I jokingly told everyone I was "retired"... this tended to elicit a whole bunch of "WTF?" and "wow you are lucky!"

I wasn't going to argue the luck. I believe most people make their own, yet I fully acknowledge some people have sucky lives through no fault of their own.

So I tried this line of logic to my mostly reproducing peers... "If I told you I was pregnant and going on Mat leave and might not come back, you would all be deliriously happy for me that I was creating life and I had something bigger than myself to focus on, and wouldn't be in the least concerned with how I would make my living"..

RIGHT?

They all agreed.. yes they would be happy for me, no they wouldn't question that I would figure out the monetary angle.

So I went on, "I will be paying myself - saved by myself, and paid by myself to myself- the equivalent of Mat leave.. about 24K gross, I will be no burden on the tax payers, or my other half, and I will create art, and volunteer to create a better community.. how is that any LESS worthwhile?"

That kinda stumped em.. but still I got some funny looks.. kinda like the look you give people who say fundamentally stupid things, but you don't want to be the one to point it out!

Now, 6 months down the track, I'm starting to get a fair amount of "so... still not working huh?"

I think people thought I would come to my senses.. (they should have known better than that!) and would be somehow gainfully employed by Christmas.

For my parents generation, it was a bonafide scandal. Pretty much everyone over 60 was aghast.. for them, you get a job, hopefully it paid enough to support your family and you didn't hate it. That was about the best you could wish for, right?

Even if it DIDN'T fulfill these 2 rather key requirements..you didn't just up and QUIT.

But in my first 6 months off I have discovered a few things...

I make awesome curry.
I love reading the paper, and knowing what is happening in world outside my street.
I love working with kids.
I love volunteering with organizations making a fundamental difference in peoples lives.
I still need to LEARN.
I am genuinely HAPPY to wake up in the morning and see what the day holds for me.

(and I hadn't said THAT for over 2 years in my cushy job... regardless of all the "perks" I REALLY hated that escalator!)

I DID have a slight breakdown the other day, when my former employer sent me my final payslip for 2010. I looked at it, and marveled how I could possibly be LIVING without their contributions to my bank account each month. I thought seriously about whether I had made a mistake in leaving..

then I thought... well excuse me for wanting more than "a job I didn't hate."

I will update my journey through under-employment over the next 6 months (I have "funding" until August at least!). High on the horizon of fun times will be striving to complete my Photography Certificate at Langara, volunteering at Take a Hike and Pony Pals and going to Tofino to celebrate my 10th anniversary.

And Lovin' it!